"Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship" is a collection of humorous or incongruous short stories and one-liners, sometimes sophisticated. The purpose is to provide smiles and chuckles punctuated by an occasional guffaw for both you and your fellow passengers, perhaps some of the crew.
You're traveling too much when you see the same flight attendant twice in the same day. And she knows your name.
Jet Lag: "Wallet in refrigerator. Where's the milk?"
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
"We're ready to begin boarding Flight 1234 with service from Miami to Atlanta. Due to a weight problem with the aircraft, we are going to limit you to one piece of carry-on luggage. Any additional items will have to be checked."
GREAT AIRLINE LIES
Short hold for a gate
Short hold Air Traffic Control
Brief Holding Pattern
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash has brought the aircraft to a screeching halt near the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Near the conclusion of an extremely turbulent American Airlines flight, a cabin attendant finished his "stowed-tray-table-and-upright-seat" speech with a cheerful, "We'd like to thank you for flying American Airlines. But if you were displeased with the flight, thank you for flying United."